I stared in the toilet for much longer than usual. Lots of things crossing my mind before realizing what it was I was looking at. Aunt P, Bloody Hag, Red Bitch, Aunt Flo, or whatever name she goes by these days. I imagined that breastfeeding would delay this business until E was at least 6 months old. It never dawned on me that it might just happen without any weaning involved. Of course loads of you said it would, but do I listen, no.
My fertility monitor was a gift. Did I mention that? My friend thought she was done with kids and gave it to me. Used, you know. The thing that they want you to not do because it is contaminated with someone else's contagious pee. For about one minute, I thought of getting my own unit, until I passed it off to the Mr. for his science-guy-related inspection. The steps are simple, after all. Pee on stick, push button, stick stick in slot, wait forever, and then look at the caveman carving display for a result. At no point are you licking or sticking anything back in or on yourself. So yeah, I lived dangerously and threw warnings to the wind.
The CBEFM went with me to Fiji. I stared at it, called it a useless piece of shit, and brought it on countless plane rides tucked into my carry on and hoping like hell no one pulled it out at security. But as much as I hated this thing, it was crucial to my sanity and my elusive LH surge. The two pregnancies I used it for, well, one turned out. So that's pretty good odds, right?
This magical monitor is back in the hands of this friend. I found out she had been back on her own TTC trail after thinking she was done. There was room for one more and had struggled for almost a year (without a word to me). We joked about the monitor being magic and about how we are probably cross contaminated with viruses and crap from breaking hygiene warnings. But, it worked. She's pregnant and looking solid at the cusp of T2. Maybe there's another baby hidden in it's elven inner workings. Only time will tell as it returns to me next month.
My Vitamin D is low, I am not sure what portion of the old lady vitamin concoction I can take while still breastfeeding, and my sex drive has driven off with my sexy self-esteem. I don't know what I have in me to make it work again, or whether I will have the heart for this after finding a brief respite. I do know that I will wonder if I could have if I don't try. So, here we go again...