So my dear friend that was just on the cusp of T2 with the lucky monitor had that awful first OB visit. Her dream of number three is snatched by a heart that once beat strong and is no more. Two babies in a row without much complication once pregnant, only to lose a heartbeat in those weeks between appointments.
There have been too many ladies robbed of hope. Adele, who held my hand firmly through my own medically managed miscarriage and has been an angel in my RPL choir. Sloper, who has been such a voice of inspiration and strong support over the years.They have all had normal starts only to leave their own hearts crushed by losing the dream of this baby, right now.
The distance between my own losses had become far enough for me to have a few days where I almost forget what life used to be like before E. That hope that next time will be normal. Each step towards that normal takes you one rung higher on the hope ladder. You never get used to it. Never.
I expect that it gets different with a healthy baby under your wing. The overwhelming fear that you will never, ever, ever, never, ever be a parent is a ginormous one. But, at the end of the day, these are lost hopes and dreams. These were birthdays, +1's to family vacations, a plan for a new bedroom, or car, or career. These were wanted. Very badly wanted and now gone.
My thoughts are with all those lost children and I hurt for your lost hopes as much as for my own. Be well and be good to yourselves.