You'd think that a night off in a fancy hotel would be a dream come true. And yet I woke up all night with little panic attacks and my own form of separation anxiety.
I barely made enough milk to stash for the 48 hour trip. My flight schedule and meetings schedule is brutal. But sleep is so very optional that this is much less painful for me. Aside from the whole freaking out hormonal thing.
Other post coming on music. Trying to stay afloat with juggling work. But, oh California, how I miss you. Two days is not a fling to sate desire.
And driving by our 2br adorable bungalow with the renter's car in the driveway on the way to work is hard. The life I imagined us having is happening on another coast. Which takes all the sting out of reminiscing.
Surf, sand, and sea air are no match for the joy of tiny blooms popping up after a bleak winter. The move brought hope on spades. Something home never had.
Ah, I commiserate with your feeling about CA! In both the sense that there are so many visceral memories that have been ripped away (which is hard), but that hope was missing, somehow. It's a tired place, even as it's fresh. A strange paradox.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about the separation anxiety-- it's miserable, I know.
sounds like a bittersweet trip, Misfit. Hope it's good to be back with your kitten, even if the east coast does not have beach weather yet. sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I hear you. I pretty much literally did not sleep the last night I was away (the other two I drugged myself with both ambien and benadryl since I wasn't saving milk). The hormoens are brutal. Hope you had some good moments, too.
ReplyDeleteVery moving post, Misfits. I know this isn't the place where you imagined this life unfolding. And yet there is nothing more hopeful than a real, true spring (she says as the mid-March snow flurries out her window...almost there, I swear it!)
ReplyDeletePoor California. I'm sure it's pining for you too. I dream that you'll take your lovely family home someday soon. I just got back from a trip away--not nearly as brutal as yours, but hard nonetheless. Leaving is for SUCKERS. Screw work.
ReplyDeleteHey you - sorry to have been away so long, still figuring out this "get shit done with baby on lap" thing. I felt like my heart was ripping out of my body just going to work, let along traveling away. I had no idea just how attached I would be to this little creature. Thinking of ya.
ReplyDeleteHi there, I enjoy reading through your post. I like to
ReplyDeletewrite a little comment to support you.
my site ... 은혜의 찬양 - 나의기도