As someone who puts nearly everything before what I need, being self-centered is hard. An insult, perhaps, to lots of people, and understandably so. But, wow, can you get caught up following, chasing, and doing shit and end up in a galaxy far, far away.
Take inventory. Body intact (mostly). AMH was undetectable. Boss is a game playing jackhole. E healthy. Mr. turning into zombie (thanks to hand foot mouth). Me turning into crazy short fused wacko.
Tuesday. On Tuesday it all sort of snapped. I can be such a blind fool.
My motto is that success is the best revenge. My boss's boss doesn't know my boss is a tool. And when the going gets tough, the Misfit goes pro. Weird that you do that by doing less work, as you start spending more time in powerpoint documenting work. But he's funneling my ideas upward as his own. Harder to do that when I keep the veep (boss's boss) in the loop every so often on the big ideas. Truth is that I need to make an exit plan for a new job. Especially if AMH is any indicator.
Hello, undetectable! Hooray for getting pregnant twice with what seems non-existent eggs. I expected this. I did. I just had some rainbow, unicorn and fairy dust coated fantasy where my family history of early menopause wasn't a factor. I feel so greedy wanting a repeat.
E is hilarious and just awesome. I so want there to be two of them. The first few days of our nanny share were amazeballs in her wee mind as she said the other girl's name a million times. "D, here is my favorite toy for you to throw. D, you are amazing and I love you. D, I will say your name over and over again after I wake up from naps, excited to play with you. " All of the awful feelings around making the choice have melted in the last few days.
On the parenting front, E has become one of those toilet "learning" babies. I thought the elimination communication stuff was hogwash for us, and thought anyone who was training a kid before 2 was insane. Yet, E started to go poop when I'd change her diaper around a year. Rather than deal with that unfortuante trajectory (raise blast shields, please), we stuck her on the infant potty we bought to let her play with and "become familiar." And then she would just poop for us there...and sometimes pee.
The kid won't walk, talks up a storm, and has a routine poop at least once a day. If I thought it was appropriate to film, I would. It's all kinds of adorable. There's a pee, followed by a prompt stand up to look at the business and be proud (with clapping), sitting back down, inspecting a toy, magazine, or something mama has handed her, a wait of a few minutes or two. Grunting followed by a "yeeee" and a very celebratory march to the toilet to say goodbye to E's pee or poop.
I'd love to chalk this up to some amazing parenting magic and say that my kid will be one of those kids, but the truth is that it's her. I feel like she's going to be a teenager tomorrow, growing up so fast. I aslo firmly believe that even this miracle potty learning bit will probably end with her being the kid who is wearing diapers still at 4-years-old. If I've learned anything, it's that just when you think you've got the parenting thing figured out, the kid up and changes on you.
|Standing when I think Mama won't notice.|
PPS. Also just realized that I need a new rug as my makeshift zebra one puts me in the category of big game hunter (clashing prints and all!). Maybe it adds to the mystery of the rest of my taste in furniture. I missed the stuffed rhino stomping on the bear, and on the walls? Of course, antlers abound!